Thursday, May 4, 2017

New Release - 50 ShaDes Of vOrpal (ALPHa) (most certainly NOT a review)

First is was a ridiculed Kickstarter. Now its a release at RPGNow.

This is MOST certainly NOT a review of 50 Shades of Vorpal.

As far as I can tell, the author, such as he is, forgot to include an actual set of rules with this "set of rules" but that's ok, as the rues aren't the point. This is the fantasy rpg heartbreaker that was hidden from most of the 13 year old boys in the late 70s and early 80s, but obviously not all.

You don't read 50 Shades of Vorpal as if it were a game, but as a window into the soul of the fictitious author. Well, that and to laugh. Or cry. Cringing works too.

Amazingly enough, this is one product that @ConManKen could probably spell better than. Not by much. Just a little ;)

50 Shades of Vorpal is 5 bucks at RPGNow. I am not suggesting you buy it. I'm just making the proper notifications. Read at your own risk and remember, a portion of sales through The Tavern's OBS affiliate link goes to support The Tavern...


  1. This can't be real.

  2. I backed the Kickstarter as well. It is amusing. I'm totally taking this as parody

  3. This has gotta be a joke ... lol 😂

  4. The KS was run similarly and it was HYSTERICAL. The ruleset....which NO ONE thought would ever materialize...is written in that same hysterical approach. It's a masterful parody. (And the rules, such as they are, is a "roll d30 and add a shitton of modifiers and try to beat someone else who rolled a d30 and added a shitton of modifiers."

  5. A vorpal horse... Now that's so stupid it's actually brilliant.

  6. I can see this in a kind of Napoleon Dynamite kind of "dur, hur" sort of humor. I hated Napoleon Dynamite. This doesn't look like my kind of humor either, but you're right; I have to hope this is satire.

  7. My first thought was, "Cool idea, but I think Encounter Critical did it first, and better..."

    I did find myself laughing out loud at the Sara bit, though. I could be convinced by good reviews of this.

    1. This seems similar to Encounter Critical, but the humor and approach are different. Both funny, however!

  8. I backed it and I've loved the entire campaign (and now the final PDF). Just the perfect joke on so many levels. it takes a poke at kickstarters, pulishers and eve us as gamers. And hey - I actually got something for my money and I always assumed I wouldn't. As a reminder this ran around the time of the Potato Salad kickstarter.

    Anyway it was worth a few bucks for all the entertainment. Even the updates as to why it was late were amusing. Best of all - the guy delivered something. Which is more than Ken Whitman can say.

  9. I laughed several times, so this is truly something awesome! My vorpal hat off to whoever created it. Just curious, how many pages is this really?

  10. 64 pages of insanity -- each class inspired an NPC for my campaign so double win.

  11. 64 pages, but a lot are blank.
    It's parody and aimed a thin segment of our hobby. But if you are in that segment (and honestly if you are reading this blog you are) then it is pretty fun.

    Not all the jokes are hits, but there are enough to make it worthwhile.
    The "This is a fantasy game, so you can’t just go making stuff up." had me laughing a little more than I care to admit.

    The layout makes my eyes bleed. It reminds me of something my dad used to say "you have to be pretty talented to make something look this bad."

    If you ever sat with a new group in the 80s and some kid pulled out his house rules that "made D&D better" then you know what to expect here.

    I am totally playing an Amazon named Sara from the Uberdark.

  12. It sounds even better when read aloud with a Trump voice. For some reason I heard him in my mind soon after the first sentence.

  13. I'm one of the $50 backers. Initially,I was under the mistaken impression that this was a satire/parody project by a professional game designer working anonymously. I figured it would be a more workable Spawn of Fashan or something in the vein of HackMaster 4e.

    As time went along, it seemed more like long-form performance art. Again, a parody and satire on the numerous Kickstarters that promise much and deliver either something badly flawed or nothing, while occasionally posting vague updates about the progress of the project. There was a point where I accepted that I was part of a performance art piece, and never expected anything for my fifty bucks. I mean, it would have been fun to receive, I dunno, "I backed Fifty Shades of Vorpal" bumper stickers or a certificate of (non-)achievement or some-such as a show of being in on the joke. But hey, I've had almost entirely good luck with the Kickstarters I've backed, so one that wasn't quite what I expected is fine.

    So it was a pleasant surprise to see the PDF show up. It's not far off from what the Kickstarter campaign promised, so hey, I got that going for me. Which is nice.

    Now, I await my print copy... :D

  14. Replies
    1. Yeah, I have to say that reading these other comments has me even more impressed by the effort...!


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