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Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Kickstarter - Beneath: The Inverted Church (Seduce the Doors and Enter - WTF?)

When I read the Kickstarter page for Beneath: The Inverted Church I couldn't stop cringing. Strangely, not so much for the "adult content" (it certainly isn't "mature") but from the sheer absurdity of it.


Look at the above quote. First, it's not an RPG, it's an adventure for use with RPGs. Second, as for almost any existing RPG system, that much is true, so long as that system is D20 based.

Savage Worlds? GURPS? Traveller? FATE? Nope, the stats are D20 based.

Oh, and notice the shitty map?

Well, there's worse.


Now I know what you are saying: "Really, it can only get better, right?"


Yes, you "seduce" doors open. I definitely don't want my players explaining to me how they are going to caress, stroke or otherwise "seduce" a door. Besides, who the fuck would want to seduce a door anyway? I've heard of folks having a shoe fetish but I don't recall anyone whacking off to a door. Ewww. The thought alone makes me cringe.

BTW, do you think that "one scene" mentioned above is a rape scene? I'll bet you two well endowed doors it is. "Randomized sexual atrocities and treats?" There is a way to treat adult subject matter and I'm fairly sure this isn't it.

The last thing I want to hear is the sexual fantasies of my fellow gamers. Sure, we could use our digression, but I think discretion would be a far better choice.

Would this scenario work for certain groups? Sure. If everyone has a door fetish I'm sure it would play well. Maybe a group that digs sexual atrocities? Well, not so sure, but whatever.

Just make sure the existing RPG system you use is D&D derived, or you wont be able to use any of the crunch. As for the fluff...

But hey, the art isn't bad at all.


26 comments:

  1. I want to know why the headless panther can heal PC with 2 1's on d6s.

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    Replies
    1. Obviously it's some sort of sexual healing. Obviously...

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    2. The extra-dimensional "invert" areas have the property that PCs gain +N hit points per attack (this is due to reasons), so I assume it's something related.

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  2. Mark my words - next time you bust out Castle of the Mad Archmage and run it for the B-team, Mirado will become Mirado Door-Seducer. Maybe more, if the door fails to resist Mirado's moderately above average Charisma.

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    Replies
    1. You need to sell it Peter. You need to tell the group exactly "how" and "what".

      Bonus points if we can record it and post it to GamingBallistic Blog ;)

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    2. You that Mirado's not the type to Knock and tell.

      There will be some Marvin Gaye music going on before the door is fully seduced, obviously. There is a verbal component as well as material and somatic ones.

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  3. "Randomized sexual atrocities..."

    Dafuq?!

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  4. The dwarf approaches the iron-shod door and strokes his beard..."Oh lassie...it's been many a year since I have seen a finely crafted knocker such as this! If only there were two." Turning back to the party and with a slight blush he continues, "Give me a moment lads, I need to show this door the true meaning of dwarven steel..."

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  5. At long last, an adventure designed for FATAL. (Sarcasm, and I can't even remember if FATAL was d20-based and I don't want to look it up).

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  6. Backed it because its a trainwreck and worth a few bucks to peer into the mind of madness.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the support. You should listen to the Full Metal RPG podcast -- they actually asked for an advanced copy of Beneath so they actually know what they're talking about.

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  7. Risks and Challenges: "We've got a few people looking at the book for red flags while we play test it some more."

    Someone fails to comprehend . . . .

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  8. Seems to me that if a character "performing a sexual act on themselves or another before the doors" makes the GM, their or another player uncomfortable that the act of whispering it in the GMs ear would only make it worse. Not better. Imagine what GoblinTown or Peter higher in the thread is going to describe. Now imagine their lips scant inches from your ear, their hot breath against your fleah as they describe the act...
    I rest my case.

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    Replies
    1. I hope anyone who expects my lips scant inches from their ear has the decency to wait the customary 3 sessions and shell out for pizza. I'm not that kind of goblin.

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  9. "I want to kick open the door"
    "Why don't you bang on it first?"
    "Or, why don't you just BANG THE DOOR?"
    "Sorry, still have the splinters from last time...."

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  10. To quote a classic:
    "The horror ... the horror ..."

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  11. This hilariously awesome comment thread only proves that sex does belong in RPGs... but should not be managed by uninitiated.

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  12. The guy is supposed to be a published author yet we get gems like this:

    "BENEATH can be played with almost any existing RPG system." (top of the page blurb)

    "It can be played with almost any modern RPG system." (just below that)

    "Hey! What system does this book/series work with?"

    "This is an OSR (old school revival) kinda game--and, I hope, system-agnostic. I suggest using The Black Hack if you're new to tabletop gaming or, if you're experienced, use your favorite system." (from the FAQ)

    It's for every game and yet no specific game, simultaneously.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This might help ya. http://writerjustinsirois.blogspot.com

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  13. Hey guys, thanks for the honest feedback. I am open to criticism and am improving things as I go. That said, this is a DIY project.

    Full Metal RPG got a hold of the first draft and they have nothing but great things to say. Podcast here:

    https://soundcloud.com/full-metal-rpg/episode-28-beneath-the-inverted-church-kickstarter-review

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Justin - if you want to engage in a discussion, calling me out in a G+ Community I am not a part of is not the way to do it.

      Just so you know, my assessment was shared by others, as you can gather from the comments prior to yours.

      Also note - this is an aged post. Comments will be posted after moderator approval (this is a setting to prevent stealth spam) so don't assume you are blocked or your post was deleted - I just need to get around to approving it.

      Delete
  14. I had a character who wanted some free disadvantage points and picked coitophobia. Without any graphic descriptions, I created a few scenes where the phobia was invoked, like a metal clad door with a bas relief of a troll that would smile if the doorknob was turned. It was funny once in the abstract, but this is a bit much.

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  15. All good! And apologies for the G+ "calling out". The comments above are GOLD. They perfectly prove Full Metal RPG's take on high buy-in on a mature campaign like this. Keep up the good work.

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