Remembering 9-11-01

As I sit at my desk, I can't help but think of this day, 24 years ago.

Much like today, it was a beautiful, cloud-free September morning. I was sitting at my desk, preparing the weekly and monthly crime maps, with the office TV on to some news channel, with a report of a plane having struck the WTC. 

As I watched the TV, a second plane impacted on the unstruck tower. I turned to my Sergeant at her desk, reviewing the prior week's crime reports, and said: "Michele, we gotta suit up. It's gotten real." Within a minute of the second impact, we were being mobilized to respond to the WTC from the South Bronx.

The rest of that day is burned into my brain like an etching on fine silver.

Driving downtown on the East side of Manhattan, using the sidewalk when needed so I could get through traffic with the Eight & One in my van.

Getting the intersection of Second Ave & Houston Street, and watching in awe as a homeless man and a businessman directed traffic so the emergency response could get through. I can still see the shopping cart off to the side, slightly, with a briefcase sitting on top.

Reality started to set in.

Getting as far as City Hall Park before the sea of people heading uptown was too great to travel through.

Feeling Tower 2 start to fall before seeing it or hearing it. 

Hearing myself saying "My God! My God! Oh my fucking God" as if I was listening to a stranger say the words from outside of myself.

Turning to my Sgt and saying, "Michele, if this is the end, I'm in good company." Her response, "So am I, but we ain't dead yet. We're Bronx cops! What are we gonna do?"

And I responded, "Yell at people and hit them if needed!" 

And we did. We yelled at the mass of people, at individuals. "You've got fucking legs! Use them!" "Stop looking over your shoulder- move your ass!" amongst other pleasantries. One person got poked by my nightstick, as they allowed shock to overcome them, and they stopped moving, but the poke woke them up.

Then the roaring wave of debris and dust came to us, sounding like a cross between a roaring ocean wave breaking and the most intense thunderstorm of your life. 

I saw it, and I was at peace. 

It literally stopped about 10' in front of our van. I saw a man, covered in drab grey dust and debris, kneeling about 20' in front of me. I touched his shoulder, and he fell over. A nearby medic ran over and checked his pulse, shook his head, and we left him where he was to tend to the living.

Then Tower 2 came down.

It was a long day. A long week. A long month. A long fall season.

I lost friends that day. I've lost friends due to 9-11 in the days and years following.

When I finally pass, it will be due, at least in part, to complications and illnesses from 9-11.

I have no regrets. I would do it again.

God bless the victims and God damn the perpetrators.

19 Years Later, I Would Still Do It All Again

19 years ago today, I went to work remarking to myself what a beautiful day it was. 

19 years later, I’ve survived cancer that was certified 9-11 related, and most recently Congestive Heart Failure and a blocked Carotid Artery, both likely due to chemo and radiation treatment I received to combat cancer.

I do not regret my actions that fateful day. Being a first responder is a special calling, and even those that take such a job for the salary or pension benefits find themselves putting their lives at risk to protect their fellow human beings on a daily basis, not just 9-11. The risks to their lives are both immediate and long term. They take those risks so you don’t have to.

I feel blessed to be alive and hold each day as special. But for the grace of God, there goes I.

God Bless Those Lost in the 9-11-01 Terror Attacks

September 11th is always a hard day for me. Now that I'm retired, I do my best to stay in bed late in the morning, so as to no longer be tempted to listen to the list of names of those lost in the attacks of 9-11. I cry enough on this day without such. I saw too much, smelled too much that day to ever forget.

Paul was lost on 9-11 working in the World Trade Center. He was also working at the WTC back in the '93 attack.

Paul was a member of our gaming group since high school and one of my closest friends, helping me navigate my way through the end of a long term relationship just a few years before. Always easy to talk to, always listening, always caring.

Paul could have survived that day. Others in his office did. He took a moment to call his wife and leave a message that a plane had hit the Towers and he was clearing out his staff from his office before locking up and heading down himself. Paul never got out.

To Paul, his family, friends, and coworkers, to all of those that were lost that horrible day and their family, friends, and coworkers, you are in my thoughts and prayers today and every day. But for the grace of God, my name would be on the memorial.

Never forget.

The Tavern Chat Podcast - E118 - Remembering 9-11 From One Who was at the WTC

17 years. 17 fucking years. As I finished recording today's podcast, I received a text from a friend that her husband was diagnosed with 9/11 related renal cancer. Both my friend and her husband are retired NYC Police Officers who responded that fateful day.

No bumpers this episode. Music didn't feel appropriate.

This is NOT a Kickstarter Round-up episode. This is an episode recounting my experiences on 9-11 as a NYC Police Officer. This episode is dedicated to Paul Benedetti - Husband, son, gamer.

Link to Episode 118 - https://anchor.fm/tavernchat/episodes/E118---Remembering-9-11-From-One-Who-was-at-the-WTC-e26hs9

Link to Paul Benedetti's Memorial Page - http://www.legacy.com/Sept11/aon/Story.aspx?PersonID=114885&location=3

9-11 Fourteen Years Later (NOT Directly Game Related)

Tip of the hat to +S Robertson 

Fourteen years later.

I remember working on crime maps that Tuesday morning and being told a plane had hit the WTC. I turned the TV on in my Captain's office (he wasn't in yet) and was watching the live coverage when the second plane hit. I called out to my Sergeant we needed to suit up (we worked in civies) as this was no accident - 30 seconds later the announcement came over the intercom - we were going from the South Bronx to the World Trade Center.

I drove the van that day filled with 8 cops and a sergeant. I drove down the FDR until it stopped moving, down avenues, streets and even sidewalks. Saw a homeless man and a business man directing traffic on Houston Street - the businessman's briefcase lay atop the homeless man's shopping cart. The City, New York City, has a habit of pulling together when things are at their worst.

We got as far as City Hall Park, right near the Brooklyn Bridge before the sea of humanity stopped us. I've never seen such a mass of people in my life, all heading north to go uptown or east to cross into Brooklyn. I didn't initially see Tower 2 come down - I felt it. The van shook and I looked out the windshield to see Tower 2 coming down like a house of cards. "Of fuck! Oh fuck! Oh my fucking God!" are the words I've been quoted as saying.

The number of people killed that day is staggering and I counted myself blessed that I only directly knew one person lost that day (Paul, we miss you every day - keep rolling 20s my friend) but the truth is 9-11 has been a long term killer. Cancers, lung disease and other ailments have been killing people almost daily in the 14 years since then. I myself came down with cancer a few years after 9-11 (and thankfully I'm still here.)

If you are religious, please pray for those that we lost and those that are sick from the events that happened 14 years ago. If you aren't religious, kind thoughts and words do a fine job too.

God bless.

Tenkar

(back to normal posting with the next post - thanks for taking the time out of your day to remember)

Idle Thoughts and Dulled Senses

Four pints and two shots. For some reason, this day get's harder, not easier, as time goes on. Good food and good company was had at the pub. My wife and son kept me good company, and my bartender John understood the meaning of the day.

I am behind in many things. OSR Superstar is awaiting the responses of the judges for the final round. I have not been hounding them, as work on my end has been hot and heavy. My daily posting has been cut in half from the usual numbers over the summer, and not just for lack of free time. I am mentally exhausted. I should prod them I think. PROD!

Emails have gone unread in some cases for weeks. Again, it's as much lack of time as it is lack of energy with what little time I have free. Retirement can not come soon enough.

As I told my wife over lunch, I don't drink on this day to forget what I saw, heard, and learned on 9-11-01. I drink to take the edge off the pain. To fuzz out some of the details. Forgetting even a moment of the day would be a crime, and I refuse to do so.

+Jason Paul McCartan is running a game tonight. I'm playing in it. Jason, you are so fucked ;)

Dedicated to Paul Benedetti - Lost 9-11-01 - Friend and Gamer

Today is 9-11.  13 years after 9-11-01.

If I had responded to the actual mobilization point I was supposed to arrive at, there might be nine more names to read of those that were lost that day. I was supposed to arrive at the foot of Tower 2, but never made it past the masses of folks near City Hall that were already fleeing the Towers.

I lost a good friend that day. I had 4 good friends that worked in and around the World Trade Center on 9-11-01. Three walked miles and miles to get home that day. One never made it home. All were from my core group of gaming buddies and best friends dating back to High School.

Paul, you are sorely missed. You were there when the towers were attacked in '93, and I remember hearing about the 70+ flights you had to walk down. The second time they were hit you never had that opportunity.

Roll those dice and roll them well. The rest of us will join you when our time comes, and we'll pick up where we left off.

Rest well.

Paul Benedetti, age 32 when taken too early.

9-11, Eleven Years Later - A Personal Perspective

I tend to keep most real life events off of this blog. It's a gaming blog, not a news blog, political blog or life recap blog. 9-11 is one of the few exceptions to my unwritten rule.

That day literally redefined my life. I lost a close friend. I witnessed with my own eyes and ears both towers coming down. I heard screams over my police radio that I will take to my grave. I thought I was going to die that morning, and I was at peace with that. Years later, when I was diagnosed with cancer and thought it was possible I might only have six months or a year to live, I curled up in a ball on the floor and cried like a baby. Cured now.

When I came on the Job back in 1996, we were told the only heroes were those that made the ultimate sacrifice. We were told not to be heroes - be brave, but not foolhardy. 9-11 redefined that definition for me. The heroes that day were not only those we lost, but the common man that shouldered a burden that wasn't his, but decided it was the right thing to do.

The homeless man and the Wall St. banker directing traffic on Houston Street and 2nd Ave as I raced the police van from the South Bronx to Lower Manhattan. Shopping cart full of one man's total belongings propping up another man's suit jacket and brief case.

Local grocery stores emptying their shelves of food and water to feed the now gray colored police and firemen after the towers fell.

Watching the long lines of people walking over the Brooklyn Bridge to the far side, and other masses of people heading north up the middle of the streets. Seas of people supporting each other. Color, race, creed, orientation - it mattered not at all as folks came together for the common good. The worst of times brought out the best in people.

There are lessons in that day. In our communal loss we still have much to gain and learn.

Remembering 9-11

9-11 is always a hard day for me.  I carry a lot of emotional baggage from that day as well as the knowledge that under stress, I'll do the job that I signed up for.  That's actually scary when I sit back and think of it - crap like that can get someone killed.  My Department, the NYPD, lost 23 members that day and another 49 members have succumbed to illnesses related to their 9-11 duties over the past 10 years.  At least, 49 members that the Department and the City government recognize as related - I'm sure there are others that we have lost that are missing from the list.

The story I want to relate today is one I was told by a NYPD Detective that afternoon, hours after the towers fell.

He pulled up to my post in an unmarked police car.  The front of the car was melted.  The headlights looked like slag from a glass factory.  When he put the car in park, his partner exited from the passenger side and started to slowly shuffle in random directions, constantly picking up random pieces of paper that were all over the place from the fall of the towers.  I noticed that his partner was wearing a fighter fire's helmet, which certainly seemed out of place even in the chaos of that day.

The first detective, the one that had been driving, told me that the two of them had been assigned to the crime scene at the foot of the towers.  They were told to catalogue and tag the debris that had fallen when the two towers were hit.  He'd never seen a crime scene like it, and didn't even know where to start.  It was then that he heard the bodies falling.

There were people stuck in the towers, above the points of impact, that leapt to their deaths rather then burn alive or die from the smoke, and they were landing (and dying) around the two detectives.  Before that day, I could never have pictured the image, but on that day I could imagine it to well.

When the towers fell, they felt it before they heard it.  The ground shook, they looked up and saw the world crashing down towards them.  The detective that was relating the story said he grabbed his partner's arm and ran with him, but they got separated in the chaos.  At some point he threw himself and some random woman he was near under a fire truck, just as parts of the towers were impacting.

At some time after, he crawled out and tried to find his partner, but he couldn't.  He did manage to find his now partially melted car, and started to canvass the area, looking for his missing partner.  He found him about an hour and a half later, sitting on the back of a fire engine.

Some firefighters had found the partner wandering around aimlessly, picking up random papers, studying them and putting them in his pockets.  His detective's shield was still clipped to his belt.  They decided he was in shock, put him on their truck (where he happily borrowed one of their helmets) and kept an eye on him until his partner found him.

I tried talking to the partner, but he wouldn't respond.  Truthfully, I don't think he heard me.  Not from loss of hearing, but because his mind was escaping within... he just couldn't handle what he had witnessed.  He did respond to his partner telling him to get back in the car.  Not with words, he just got back in the passenger's side seat in the front.  Even reached down and put the red bubble light on the dash, out of habit more then anything else I suspect.

I'll carry 9-11-01 with me for the rest of my life.  We lost a lot that day, both as individuals and as a country.  We didn't just lose friends, family, coworkers, countrymen - we also lost our innocence.

Paul - My friend, fellow gamer, classmate, extended family - you will never be forgotten.  Rest well lad, you deserve it.

Nine Years Ago Today...

Nine years ago today my gaming group lost one of core members.  Not that we actively gamed anymore at that time... that kind of ended when I (as the main DM /GM) graduated the Police Academy in 97 and had to work every weekend for six months.  Even tho we had stopped gaming, the friendships that we made back in 84 were stronger then the games themselves...we were, and still are, very tight.

On 9-11, 4 of the 6 members of that gaming group worked at the World Trade Center (either the towers or Building 7).  I was the one member that didn't, but I was there by the time the first tower was coming down.  We lost one of our brothers that day, the one who was to be the best man in a November wedding - the rest of the group was to be the groom and the ushers.  We were more like extended family then friends.

Our loss was but one of thousands our nation lost that day.  It doesn't make our loss, his family's loss, any more or less.  It is, however, another reason I will never forget, nor forgive, what happened to this nation on that September day nine years ago.  In my profession, I am no stranger to death.  I am no stranger to senseless destruction.  9-11 was the first time it became personal to me, and that was before I knew I had lost a dear friend.

Strange, how for me, 9-11 and gaming will always be intertwined.  If I can ever get my Gamer's ADD mind focused enough to actually write something publishable, Paul Benedetti will be more then deserving of the dedication.

God Bless you lad.  Enjoy your rest.

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