Friday, August 4, 2017

If Andy Rooney Posed Questions to the OSR, These Might be Them...

Somehow, someway, Andy Rooney got stuck in my head today. You remember Andy, the guy on 60 Minutes with the most inane observations and questions. At least they were inane until you gave it some thought, then the observations occasionally shined through.

Here are some possible questions and observations Andy Rooney might have asked members for the OSR:

  • Did you ever wonder how Gareth has so much time to tweet, but no time to write. Maybe Far West should be released in tweets of 140 characters of less. 
  • #ConManKen - So much energy used to avoid earning an honest buck. Dishonest bucks are apparently good for weight loss though. Not good for hair growth.
  • Did you ever wonder if the lead in old minis is why some of the old timers are as they are?
  • Why is is everyone loves their local gamestore but no one shops there. Except for Cheetos and Gatorade. Amazon should host a VTT that you can shop from at this rate.
  • What ever happened to topless art in rulebooks? Did the art just get too good to display nipples without drawing attention or was it the penises and vaginas that caused the Lamentations?
  • What DOES PDF stand for? I've heard some call it the Pirate Document Format but I never heard of pirates using it for their treasure maps.
  • Why do 1st level Clerics get no spells at 1st level in White Box / S&W? You may as well play a fighting man with a mace that can turn undead. Wait! You are...
  • What's this whole thing with Spell Slots anyway? Why are they different for clerics and magic-users? Where are the weapon slots?
  • Is 8 hours of rest actual sleep? Because who the heck gets 8 hours of sleep? What if you oversleep? Is that credit for later?
  • What's with all of the celebrities playing D&D these days anyway? When I was younger, you couldn't even prop up a dead celebrity at your gaming table.
  • At my age, there is no such thing as a Short Rest.
  • I finally understand the rate of movement in dungeons. The party is all seniors with walkers.
  • Save or Die is something I do every morning. Thank the gods my dice are loaded.
  • What's the deal with Read Aloud Text in an module? Is it story time?
  • If it weren't for the Long Sword vs Large Creatures, would you even bother to keep your d12s? Think of the space saving.
  • DM nPCs. There. I said it. Now, go kill them.


  1. Now I am trying to imagine a rule book released as tweets, as a thought experiment.

    No rule can exceed a single tweet. Think carefully how many modifiers you really need :-)

  2. What's the deal with iron rations? Could that stuff taste any worse? And the portions are so small!

  3. What ever happened to the ubiquitous ten foot pole? Was it a victim of the metric system?

  4. Monty Hall campaigns: does Mr. Hall mind his name being permanently attached to a universally despised play style? Should he at least get royalties?

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  7. Is it bad if I read this in Andy Rooney's voice?

  8. Couldn't agree more about the lack of topless images in rulebooks nowadays. I did fight back a little in the Adventures Dark and Deep Bestiary, p. 355 and 262.

  9. Knowing who Andy Rooney was and being able to hear him ask each bullet point made this a blog entry full of win.

    *stands applauding*

    Well done, Erik. :D

  10. The funny thing about a +1 sword, is that...


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