Saturday, September 29, 2018

The Tavern Chat Podcast - Episode # 136 - Stacy D's Allegations re: Myself - Debunked

Wow. And here I thought I could rant. Normally, I'd leave this be but there are so many outright lies here I need to address it. More details will be in the Podcast Episode, but my commentary should suffice for some.

Link to Episode 136: https://anchor.fm/tavernchat/episodes/E136---Stacy-Ds-Allegations-re-Myself---Debunked-e2admn

First, some background. I first came across Stacy when she was organizing Contessa as an online convention. I remember her complaining that she couldn't get enough female GMs to fill the slots needed to be filled. I pointed out that when you ONLY will accept women as GMs, you are probably excluding 80%+ of the gaming public, maybe even a higher percentage of GMs. I also wasn't comfortable knowing that all sessions were being recorded on Google Hangouts for a lifetime of viewing on Youtube. Yes, I criticized her and her project. Its been all downhill from there.

In the summer of 2015, she went online and criticized NTRPG Con for both the "serving wenches" and the fact that Merle Rasmussen ran an "all ladies" game. A game he ran with his wife in the room. I know, Rach played in it. Stacy then lobbed stones at Rach and I. Here's the post and here's the screenshot:

Apparently, I should spend less time with my wife. Sigh. Stacy was upset that I responded to her G plus thread because it was private and I basically had no right to even read it. 

Did I mention that Rach is legally blind? That would make her a "marginalized" person according to Stacy.

This to me was the point where I realized there was something special going on.


If you're friends with Erik Tenkar, please don't be friends with me. If you're interested in keeping women in RPGs safe, please don't be friends with Erik Tenkar. (THIS. WTF does this imply? EVERY con I've gone to I've gone with Rach except my first Gary Con, and that was last minute) Erik Tenkar only cares about one thing: Erik Tenkar. (How many fundraisers have I offered matching monies for from The Tavern?) He has been following me around the internet in super creepy style since ConTessa began.  (I've given the background above. I'm not the one ranting on a monthly basis to have someone unfriended and complaining about him. Last time you came up in The Tavern was in October of 2017 - https://www.tenkarstavern.com/2017/10/gamer-in-need-stacy-dellorfano-cancer.html)

WHEN ConTessa began, he spread lies that we thought all white males were potential creepers, and immediately distrusted them. (All sessions were on Google Hangouts Live in 2014 and put up on Youtube. I felt uncomfortable putting myself on YouTube, in a game session with strangers, for all time. It was a measure used to ensure the safety of the women. Here's my quote: "The assumption that male players are bound to include their share of "creepy guys" and "that's why we have to record everything" creeps me out...") While that is now actually TRUE, it wasn't at the time, and it's people like Erik Tenkar who've made that true. (Crock of shit. Give examples.) Sorry dudes, you don't police your own, that's what happens.

At the time, when I corrected him, he ignored me, and continued to spread lies about ConTessa. (Did you then, and have you in the recent past, struggled to fill Contessa GM seats? Not a lie. But please, list the lies I spread about Contessa. Wait, recording sessions were done for what reason exactly?)

All four of my Contessa posts. http://www.tenkarstavern.com/search?q=contessa

The post from 2014 that Stacy is still fuming over: http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2014/02/if-you-have-con-and-no-one-shows-did-it.html

He writes a vague blog post or podcast EVERY TIME I mention him outside my walled garden.  (link them please, because I'd like to see them myself. Because you mention me an awful lot, and I do have other stuff to post about) When I was diagnosed with cancer, he grossly and inappropriately used it to promote his own work (I offered to raise at least 50 bucks from the proceeds of the sales of SWCL. I was to make no money off of it. A third party on your behalf demanded I rescind the offer and I did. If I was out of place with my offer, its because I am a cancer survivor myself and I acted on emotional impulse, without malice.) He never asked me if that was okay, he never apologized for all the times he treated me like shit (and you've never apologized to me nor Rach for the insults you threw at us. What exactly is your point?), he just put it up complete with backhanded compliments.
I sat at my keyboard, ugly sobbing, trying to get friends to go talk to him because I refuse to talk to the asshole. He refused to take the post down, but kept the money when it got to him I didn't want it, and added a snarky edit to the post. But he left the post up, completely fucking missing the point.

Link to post: https://www.tenkarstavern.com/2017/10/gamer-in-need-stacy-dellorfano-cancer.html

(You are missing the point. I've never deleted a post. Ever. The internet never forgets. I don't hide anything, even my mistakes. As for never sending you the money, your third party told me you didn't want it and then BLOCKED me from responding or explaining. So, at that point, what do I do? You didn't want it. You can't have it both ways)

His current method of harassment is to talk about me boldly on his podcast, claiming I have so much power over the people of the OSR (a community I've repeatedly stated I want nothing to do with anymore) that I function as the "thought police", and my asking people to not be friends with me if they are friends with my harassers is somehow controlling a community I can't even stand.
Erik Tenkar is such a coward, however, that he refused to name me in his podcast and redacted my name and likeness from the screenshots he took of me saying this very same thing to other people on one of the posts about Darrick Dishaw AKA Venger Satanis. (Yep, I didn't mention you because quite frankly it was more of a community learning moment. But here, now you are mentioned)

Erik Tenkar seems to believe I shouldn't be allowed to decide what content from whom I wish to see in my feed.  (apparently, you don't know how social media works. If I'm blocked or not on your friends' list, I won't appear on your feed.)

Someone on the thread called me "vindictive". You don't know the half of it, buddy.
Let's be clear. I don't have some strange, illuminati-based power against the OSR you all have to wear tin-foil caps to avoid. I am not an influential voice within the OSR, and I don't strive to be. I don't even run OSR games anymore, aside from Lamentations of the Flame Princess, which, aside from the system, is definitively NOT an OSR game. (wait. this is double speak. It's built off of B/X, the rules are certainly OSR and LotFP is sold to the OSR, but it's not OSR)

If you want to see all of the times he's mentioned me by name in his blog, take a look here:

The first part was so wildly successful, that he's made a second part:

Now, since Erik can't read this himself unless he logs out of Facebook, I expect one of his lackeys to take screenshots and share it with him. Go ahead, stick your nose right up his ass, I'm sure it smells splendid. (Nope, they did fine)

Note: Continued unfounded accusations of nefarious activity will be treated seriously and potentially legally.


  1. I am sorry that this is happening to you, Erik.

  2. Wow....she sounds like one of my female friends in High School who would shout "don't look" when she had to rearrange her bra (or something....it's been a while so I don't recall the finer details) and then she would get mad if you looked. Nobody would have looked had we not heard the unexpected shout in the 1st place....

  3. Wow, can't say I'm surprised by all the lies, intolerance, and double-standards, but it still saddens me. I hope she gets the help that she clearly needs. Anyway, I'm proud to be named (and disparaged) alongside Erik Tenkar!

  4. OK.
    Regarding social media not being "real friends". I guess they aren't anymore. All my online friends were all real friends, with the recent exceptions being gamers. And, to some extend, I think they are still friends in that community sense.

    Which brings me to these posts. This thing sucks. It would be nice to ignore issues like this and not give those people the satisfaction of the drama it causes, except for the need to defend yourself from accusations of harassment etc. Mr. Santanis (sp) might not be everyone's ball of string. I've backed some of his KickStarters. I've rolled my eyes at some of his content being a little... tasteless to me. If we meet in person, we'll probably have a great time and almost guaranteed we wouldn't agree on everything. I'm guessing if I posted that on a social outlet, he wouldn't block me, I'm sure he's been called worse that having different tastes than some people.

    Lastly, regarding Tenkar being selfish. I won't drag the person into it, but there was a link to a GoFundMe for a fellow gamer that needed a few bucks for car repairs. I was fortunate to have a few bucks to help with, as we've all been there, I was happy to help. And I don't think Tenkar got SHIT out of that. I excepted NOTHING in return, but to that person's credit, contacted me with a thank you, and a decent (virtual) stack of gaming stuff of thier creation for free. Why? Community. A community Tenkar didn't start, but he curates.

    To all my Tavern/ G+/ FB "friends" that aren't my real friends, we should work on that. If you're in central Iowa, look me up. I'll see you at GameHole. Keep rolling dice and staying awesome.

  5. I quit buying LotFP when James hired her because of this BS, which is ironic when she says "the OSR (a community I've repeatedly stated I want nothing to do with anymore)" and she's his new Community Manager.

    1. I don't think I was aware of a business connection between her and LotFP. That can't be good for James.

    2. I have soured feelings. I don't care for her presence, and now it could interfere with my connection to LotFP (already kicked from the G+Comm for calling out Clayto for being a dictator).
      The first and last time, I interacted with her was around the release of the diversity edition of S&W Complete.
      I took umbrage to her indifference to the existing players.
      Then that jack-hole Helton came a white knighting, and things got messy but she was not going to give a straight response anyways. Just bullshit, from a moron.

    3. Wait. LotFP has a community manager?!? Since when?

    4. Just reading about this now -- I KNEW there was a reason why I didn't want to waste my money on the "diversity edition" of S&W Complete. Besides the fact that I never back any SJW bullshit if I can help it, since they're all a whining pack of bigoted haters who never bother to look in a mirror, that is...

  6. Its unfortunate that it has come to this Erik. I remember the cancer fund raiser brouhaha. What a silly dumb episode that was.

    You're fisking of her and her attitude is a terrific illustration:

    Erik Tenkar may not be interested in the Totalitarians. But the Totalitarians are interested in Erik Tenkar.

  7. I'm sorry that you have to deal with such an amount of bullshit, Erik.

    Dear Stacy, I don't know you but from your attitude I'm quite certain I don't want to be friends with you.

  8. The witch hunt never ends, and sexists like Stacey Dellorfano will be waving the pitchforks forever because it's effective. Maybe one day she'll understand that comments and articles on the Internet are easily shared, and nobody has control over who shares what with who. The Internet never forgets, but I think the Internet would find it in its best interest to forgive those that can grow and change. As for this situation, it sounds like pure jealousy and malice. What a sad and shameful woman.

    Personally if someone believes rumors about me and can't have a regular interaction with me if it comes to that in the future, I didn't want to interact with them anyway. Freedom of association is a wonderful thing, and having all these prejudice harpies self sorting is fantastic in my opinion. Doxxing, death threats, and character assassination are worthless when you don't let them effect how you proceed in life. Anyone that would try to do those things to me would find that my doors are locked for their safety, and my words are always the same: aggressive, skeptical, and unapologetic. I don't need friends that I hold on to by threads of deceit and placation, and neither do you Erik.

  9. These people are insane. It's funny because you couldn't get a more villainous stereotype (deceitful, hateful, malevolent, obsessed) than the SJW clown show, and they are convinced they are the good guys.

  10. I tried to read her spiel, but it was only so much 'Victim! Victim! Anger! Drama! Pay ATTENTION to MEEEEE!' The internet creates a (real or perceived) audience, and some folks just get warped by that.

  11. So, she's upset that you talk about her all the time, then 2 paragraphs later is upset because you didn't mention her?

    1. LOL.

      If she thinks Erik talks about her all the time, she must think her last name is Whitman*.

      *Someone had to stay on Ken's case.

  12. I suspect she is trying to create this phoney conflict to get traffic.

  13. Sorry to see this. Yeah I was was friends with Stacey and tossed some money to help ConTessa (bought some tea shirts) then I had the gall, THE GALL, to have Venger as a friend, despite the fact I have known him for about, what...15 years?
    So she unfriended me too. No surprise, her toadie Helton did the same a few weeks before.
    Though I do wish ConTessa well.

  14. I've only met Stacy recently. I worked for ConTessa at GenCon because I thought the mission statement was laudable and they provided me with hotel and a badge. I enjoyed running games for folks, and the staff were great to work with.

    Stacy I only really dealt with in passing.

    So. Not really having a dog in this interpersonal hunt, I've got to question why everyone up and down this thread insists on misgendering them. It's not doing your point of view any favors. If it's accidental, cool. Stacy uses They/Them pronouns. Go forth and be excellent. If it's deliberate... you're kinda making their point.

    1. I don't think anyone is misgendering Stacy intentionally. When I interacted with Stacy, the pronouns were she / her.

    2. Well, now everyone knows. Go forth and be excellent!


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